Monday, March 10, 2014

Week/Weekend recap & Struggles


Good Intentions indeed.  I love Toad the Wet Sprocket and this is the story of my life lately it seems in every single aspect: food, exercise and in general.

This weekend was nice and pretty relaxing.  We finished up Season 2 of House of Cards (OMG HOLY SHIZZBALLS!)  And started Season 1 of the U.K. version of Being Human (why oh why didn't I start watching this show a long time ago!  It's awesome so far!).   I went to a Home and Garden show on Saturday morning with my mom and dad in lieu of Tennis lessons.  It's got me itching more than ever to do some improvements to our current home and eventually put it up to sell and then turn around and find our last house.  Sunday morning Chris and I went and volleyed around the tennis courts and had a lot of fun but man, am I ever out of practice. Then we hit the grocery store and then of course The Walking Dead and Cosmos came on last night.


One day into the time change and I'm already struggling with it.  Hopefully I'll get used to it pretty quickly.

Food -  I had some good days and I had some bad days eating wise last week.  I think I actively tracked only about 4 days last week, which isn't the best.  Some days I just went balls to the wall crazy with eating, especially Friday and Saturday.  I did a bit better yesterday but I really have no excuse for the other 2 days.  Y'all, I ate an entire sleeve of Girl Scout Trefoils cookies.  No I didn't track that.  Emotions were getting to me and I'm falling into dangerous habits again I can just tell.

Exercise - It's painfully obvious when I'm overwhelmed and depressed.






With the exception of one day where I walked on my lunch break (Wednesday) and then I *attempted* to run after work - still in the wrong shoes and, hell, I only lasted a minute... but then ended up walking.  And then tennis yesterday this has been the worst week I have ever experienced without some sort of illness holding me back.

Worst week doesn't even begin to describe it.  I am struggling.  I know that if I just got back out there, track my food, and do some sort of exercise that will help.  I know this.  Why can't I seem to make it out the door?

To give you a little insight as to what is going on (because I know I'm being vague).  I'll just go ahead and lay it out there.  I won't elaborate into too much detail but whatevs, I'm sure you get the gist.  My daughter moved out last year around Oct.  She didn't move out so much as to just not tell me that she wasn't coming home one day.  One day turned into many.  She started hanging out with toxic people and even though we told her to be careful she is still choosing these "friends" and their lifestyle over safety and stability.  I know, I get it.  I was 19 once.  She lost both of her jobs last year.  Everything finally came to a head in January.  We got her into an outpatient therapy/rehab type program and we saw some positives going on.  Things were slowly looking up until more of the focus stared to shift directly on her and she was beginning to address some of the underlying issues that she has going on.  Her therapists, even other addicts were telling her she should move home or if not home, then to someone elses house that she trust and that is safe and to get away from bad influences that seem to be controlling her life.  Dev wasn't willing to do that.  She quit the program and that's where we are now.  At a stalemate.  She has no job, no car and I'm worried (quite literally) sick about the whole situation.  I'm leaving out a ton of details and specifics but this is how it is now. 

First thing when I wake up every single day is think of Devyn and she is the last thing I think of every night when I go to bed.  I can't sleep.  This whole situation is weighing on me.  I'm scared.  I'm angry.  I'm hurt and most of all I just miss her.  She is a good kid deep down.   For Chris and I, we have laid down boundaries and we are seeking help for us as well (mainly me). 

So there you have it.  The "why" as to why I'm having such a hard time right now. 

32 comments:

  1. HUGS to you, my friend! Hugs a million times over.
    My brother is a recovering addict, and while I know it is not the same as being a parent of one, I have been where you are and ridden that same roller coaster. I'll keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.

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    1. Thank you so so much Meg. Seriously that means so much. Dev may not be a full blown addict but the path she is on is not heading in a good direction. Thank you so much for your words. I do appreciate it so very much.

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  2. I can't say that I can relate to how you are feeling right now since I have no experience with something like this, but I wish you and your family the best during this tough situation. I hope that your daughter can find the strength to accept the help she needs to get her life back in order.

    *big hugs*

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  3. What an awful situation. That is so hard, especially when your child is involved. Lots of good vibes being sent your way that everything will work itself out.

    Also, just to lighten this note a little: There's a UK version of Being Human? HOLLA AT A GIRL! I'm totally downloading that!

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    1. Thanks Shannon. :)

      Let me know what you think when you watch it! The guy that played Kili from The Hobbit movies is the vampire. OMG HOT!

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  4. **HUGS**
    I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. Addiction (be it to substance, games, or toxic people) is one of the most difficult and horrible things for a family to go through--especially if its a problem, that a person doesn't see as a problem. I feel some of your pain (though not as a parent…I can’t imagine) as someone I've known since childhood who I am very, VERY close to is an addict. It sucks majorly.

    One thing I will say (and I mean it in total encouragement, if it doesn’t come across that way, I totally apologize) but in this chaotic time, you working on your health goals will help. It’s a situation you have control of, and can feel your authority over. It’s hard. It’s REALLY hard. But it might help. Your daughter is young, and hopefully will learn to trust your judgment soon. Praying for ya if that’s cool? Hope things turn up!



    PS: I wanted to ask if you would write something in regards to weight loss for my blog as a guest post. It can be whatever you want about your journey. I see you use My Fitness Pal. I’m adding you on it!
    Email me at: joie.fatale[AT]gmail.com

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    1. Thanks so much Joie, and you are so right. I can't focus on her right now until she is ready so until then, my focus solely needs to be on me.

      Email sent. :)

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  5. ~Hugs~, you actually have been keeping things together pretty well all things considered! I'm sorry you and your family are struggling with this, I can only hope that Dev will open her eyes soon and realize for herself that she needs to make a change. In the meantime, focus on your change as it will serve as a focal point for you to keep grounded and not drown in her mess yourself. She will open her eyes, but she has to want to.

    We just started watching Being Human (US) just about two weeks ago! We are so behind on all the cool stuff! haha.

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    1. You are so right April. Thank you so much.

      Ahh let me know how you like the US version. So far loving the UK!

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  6. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. It's very hard to be on the 'outside' of someone else's world, and that's how I feel it can be for the family of an addict.

    You are doing great with your food and exercise! It's not about being perfect 100% of the time, just keep at it. :)

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  7. So sorry to hear about everything. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

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  8. I stress eat all the damn time! I wish I wasn't such an emotional eater, it would certainly help this whole weight loss journey I'm on.

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  9. Aww, Des, I'm so sorry. That's really tough when a situation is really out of your hands like that with a loved one. Tara and I can unfortunately relate with some of her family members and it's never easy. I think you're doing OK, all things considered. The fact that you're at least trying to get out there and get some exercise and doing the best you can with the eating is a start. I think it's a good idea that you and Chris have someone to talk to, to help you guys. I really hope you guys can figure something out - for Devyn AND for yourselves. I'm always around if you need an ear or a shoulder.

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  10. Awwe, I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a huge real hug right now. Hopefully it will all work itself out soon.

    Side note - I <3 George on UK BH!!!

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    1. Thanks Gigi!

      Ahhh I think I'm definitely going to be in the Mitchell fan club! HAWT!

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  11. I'm so sorry. It is so hard to see a loved one struggle with something like that. Try to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Hugs! - Jessica

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  12. I'm sorry Desiree, I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts. Sending you lots of ((HUGS))... Stick with it though OK even though it is the last thing you want to do now is the time to make yourself... I hope it all gets better soon.

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  13. Oh, Desiree... I'm so so sorry. I will put y'all on my prayer list. I can't even imagine what you must be going thru. Hang in there, my dear!

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  14. So sorry to hear that Desiree and sending you hugs! Girl Scout cookies are so good... but so so evil (I completely banned myself from purchasing them, just to be safe). It WILL get better, and don't forget to make sure you're taking care of yourself along the way (it doesn't make you selfish!)

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  15. Oh man...this is really a hard situation...I'm sorry you're going through this! I hope and pray for you and your family that you'll find a solution that works and is healthy for everyone! <3

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  16. That is such a hard thing to deal with. Being a parent is walking around with your heart outside your body, you love your kids so much it hurts but you can't protect/control them. It is just terrifying sometimes. You're in my thoughts and I hope and trust that she'll find her way soon. Big hugs and best wishes.

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  17. I follow your blog a bit and I don't know if I've ever commented, but this post hit me like a ton of bricks! I am 23 and I am just how realizing how much my mom and dad sacrificed to give me an awesome childhood and life. I was never too crazy, but I definitely had stages where I was extremely difficult to deal with, and now I can't BELIEVE how badly I treated them. I call them every day just to talk now and make sure they know how much I appreciate them. I just know that one day, like me, your daughter will realize how extremely lucky she is to have supportive and loving parents at home and hopefully she can learn to trust your judgment. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to remind her that you are there to help whenever she's ready, and I hope she digests the message soon. I hope in the meantime you can find some peace!

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