Good Intentions indeed. I love Toad the Wet Sprocket and this is the story of my life lately it seems in every single aspect: food, exercise and in general.
This weekend was nice and pretty relaxing. We finished up Season 2 of House of Cards (OMG HOLY SHIZZBALLS!) And started Season 1 of the U.K. version of Being Human (why oh why didn't I start watching this show a long time ago! It's awesome so far!). I went to a Home and Garden show on Saturday morning with my mom and dad in lieu of Tennis lessons. It's got me itching more than ever to do some improvements to our current home and eventually put it up to sell and then turn around and find our last house. Sunday morning Chris and I went and volleyed around the tennis courts and had a lot of fun but man, am I ever out of practice. Then we hit the grocery store and then of course The Walking Dead and Cosmos came on last night.
One day into the time change and I'm already struggling with it. Hopefully I'll get used to it pretty quickly.
Food - I had some good days and I had some bad days eating wise last week. I think I actively tracked only about 4 days last week, which isn't the best. Some days I just went balls to the wall crazy with eating, especially Friday and Saturday. I did a bit better yesterday but I really have no excuse for the other 2 days. Y'all, I ate an entire sleeve of Girl Scout Trefoils cookies. No I didn't track that. Emotions were getting to me and I'm falling into dangerous habits again I can just tell.
Exercise - It's painfully obvious when I'm overwhelmed and depressed.
With the exception of one day where I walked on my lunch break (Wednesday) and then I *attempted* to run after work - still in the wrong shoes and, hell, I only lasted a minute... but then ended up walking. And then tennis yesterday this has been the worst week I have ever experienced without some sort of illness holding me back.
Worst week doesn't even begin to describe it. I am struggling. I know that if I just got back out there, track my food, and do some sort of exercise that will help. I know this. Why can't I seem to make it out the door?
To give you a little insight as to what is going on (because I know I'm being vague). I'll just go ahead and lay it out there. I won't elaborate into too much detail but whatevs, I'm sure you get the gist. My daughter moved out last year around Oct. She didn't move out so much as to just not tell me that she wasn't coming home one day. One day turned into many. She started hanging out with toxic people and even though we told her to be careful she is still choosing these "friends" and their lifestyle over safety and stability. I know, I get it. I was 19 once. She lost both of her jobs last year. Everything finally came to a head in January. We got her into an outpatient therapy/rehab type program and we saw some positives going on. Things were slowly looking up until more of the focus stared to shift directly on her and she was beginning to address some of the underlying issues that she has going on. Her therapists, even other addicts were telling her she should move home or if not home, then to someone elses house that she trust and that is safe and to get away from bad influences that seem to be controlling her life. Dev wasn't willing to do that. She quit the program and that's where we are now. At a stalemate. She has no job, no car and I'm worried (quite literally) sick about the whole situation. I'm leaving out a ton of details and specifics but this is how it is now.
First thing when I wake up every single day is think of Devyn and she is the last thing I think of every night when I go to bed. I can't sleep. This whole situation is weighing on me. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm hurt and most of all I just miss her. She is a good kid deep down. For Chris and I, we have laid down boundaries and we are seeking help for us as well (mainly me).
So there you have it. The "why" as to why I'm having such a hard time right now.