Thursday, May 29, 2014

Rain, rain go away

Y'all I have been struggling bad this past week and a half.  It's been a tough one.  And we finally started getting some much needed rain and now I'm ready for it to go away again even though it's supposed to stick around until Sunday. 

My food choices have just been bad lately.  I haven't even logged a couple of days into MFP even though I'm still checking into it each day for my streak. 

Exercise is virtually non-existent too.  I did manage a small walk on Tuesday but other than that, nothing.   Motivation has gone away completely.

Also still dealing with daughter stuff.  She just turned 20 on Tuesday and of course her friends are more important than we are.  For the first time in 20 years, I haven't seen her or physically talked to her (other than text) on her birthday.  That's got me in a super bad depressed state right now.  I worry about her so much and I know at some point she will come around but until then it's just hard.   I knew this week would be rough for me because of the issues we've been having and I was right.  I just didn't expect it to be THAT hard. 

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm still here.  I'll get back to it and get my mind right eventually.  I know that exercise will help, but tell me how to actually get out the door when all I want to do is lay on the couch drowning in potato chips.


31 comments:

  1. {hugs}
    Life gets in the way sometimes, I'm in the throws of it right now myself. I almost cried when I got a scathing email from my running log site that its been 14 days. I knew it, but having an email robot reminding me of it? pssh.

    Happy birthday to your girl, and to you for being her Mamma and always thinking the best thoughts and prayers for your child, it won't go away no matter how old she gets or (how obstinate)

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    1. Yea, It's been (I think) 2 weeks and a few days since my last run was interrupted by a PF flare up. So just when I was getting back into it and not hating it anymore. I just need to get back on track completely.

      Thanks. I appreciate that and you have the obstinate part down right for sure! Ugh.

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  2. Get your butt back into the game, girl! Don't let all of your hard work go to waste. We all have difficult days/weeks, just make sure it doesn't become something permanent. You'll pull through :)

    I am not a parents so I can't really relate to your situation with your daughter. I'm sorry she has you feeling back though. And like you said, she'll come around eventually!

    (This comment is supposed to be 100% supportive. I hope it doesn't come off as offensive!)

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    1. Aww, you are being supportive! No worries there! I just need to get back on the horse so to speak and no time like the present. Already eating better today (and logging) and I WILL go the gym tonight even if tennis gets rained out.

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  3. *hug* She'll come around and all will be well. It all works out in the end :)

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  4. Aww! Hugs dear! Do best you can in any situation, things will fall back eventually!

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  5. I was wondering about you. I'm sorry, Des. Big fat hugs to you!

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  6. Thinking about you. That must be so hard, the situation with your daughter. You're right, she will come around, but that doesn't make it any easier. xoxo

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  7. There is nothing worse than losing motivation and trying to throw the proverbial monkey off your back! Best way to get out the door is to just do so, even if you don't wind up doing anything when you go out in the world. Just getting off the couch can sometimes be the best step to take. :)

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    1. You are right! (I did get off my duff for a bit and walked for 30 minutes on my lunch break!) Baby steps, eh?

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  8. I'm recovering from throat surgery and I'm on a strict liquid diet, but I'm seriously making fantastic use of the Vitamix blender my sister is letting me borrow while I'm recovering. This way I'm still getting in my fruits, diary, and vegetables!However, I've lost 13 pounds in just 1 weeks. Not the best way to do it, but I'm just about at my goal weight. The hardest part will be staying at that weight once I can get back to eating regular foods.

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    1. Oh goodness, hope all goes well Samantha and that you don't gain it all back once you do get off the liquid diet! Here's to a speedy recovery for you!

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  9. *hugs you and strokes your hair* I'm sorry she's so distant right now.
    I've been away from my parents on my birthday in the past (concerts usually) but I'm pretty sure I called to check in for like 5 mins. It's been a while so I can't remember lol.

    I'm sure she'll come around... they always do. While it might be a bit much to hope she comes back with her figurative tail between her legs, let's hope there's at least a big hug in it for you :)

    As for the lack of motivation... LOL I hear you! I get a few gym visits in usually before my back twinges and I get scared it'll go out again that I don't go back again for weeks! But don't you worry, you're so much more dedicated than you give yourself credit for - YOU CAN DO THIS!! Every time I think about blogging I'm like "I really should, Des always puts really nice comments on so I wanna make a good one for her" heehee.
    Go girl! xxx

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  10. Sorry you're feeling down, it's hard when everything just feels dark and crappy. When I'm in a bad place the couch, Netflix and crap food are how I self-soothe and sometimes I give myself permission to do that. And then I eventually get my crap together, eat well and get moving and almost always feel better.

    My kids aren't old enough to physically pull away yet (3 and almost 15) but I remember ditching my parents when I graduated high school at 17 (I had a friend drive me to college!!) and barely calling or visiting home for several years. Once I had my oldest, my mom suddenly became my best friend again. I think you'll find that this is a temporary and probably pretty normal stage. I hope she realizes what an amazing mom she has again soon and reconnects. Hugs and hoping you feel happier soon!

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    1. Thanks April and you're right. I took a few days for myself and I do feel a bit better now.

      I really hope so. She's my only child and I hate that we are so disconnected. It hurts!

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  11. Oh girl, I am so sorry to hear this! I hope things start to turn around for you and her, you both deserve it to! <3

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  12. It's funny how our children grow up and we're not the biggest person in their lives - it is indeed painful. I so feel your pain here. My son just had his 21st birthday and decided he was going to stay at school to celebrate with his friends. Like you, it was the first birthday ever that I hadn't seen him. It was hard for many emotional reasons, but also because I worried about his safety. Boys are stupid yannow.

    Lick your wounds and get back in the saddle. I'm counting on you!!!

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    1. Thanks LM! Girls can be just as tough with their moms I think especially between 18-20. ((HUGS)) to you as well!

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  13. Desiree, I have found you to be SO inspiring ever since I first found your blog. I know how much it sucks to fall off the exercise wagon and how hard it can be to get back on. But I also fully 100% believe that you will get back on. You have such a strength about you. You'll make it, my friend. I know you will.

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  14. Sorry you're having a tough time. Sometimes it's hard to watch people we love walk a path we know isn't best for them. That's too bad about not talking to her on her birthday. I liked your Facebook message to her though. That was really sweet.

    I have an idea. Fly your butt up here and we'll go drive down to Newport to the Tennis Hall of Fame and get you all pumped up. Then I'll play a game or two with you and you'll feel awesome about yourself because you'll win every game because I've never played a game of tennis in my life. Sound like a plan?

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    1. Aww thank you so much! And I would absolutely LOVE to be able to do that! Maybe one of these days! :D (Trust me, I wouldn't beat you too bad!)

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  15. When the world feels painful and overwhelming, the couch feels like the best place to escape reality and find a new one- games, TV, books. I think most people can relate to that feeling that pushes you down and weighs down your heart into your toes. You are acknowledging what you are feeling, and now you have to kick your own butt. Just say- I'm going to put on sneakers and walk around the perimeter of the house- but maybe after you do that you will feel like taking a stroll down the road. Anything that you choose to do healthfully will encourage your mind to heal and when your daughter is ready to come around, you will be better able to process everything and therefore will be even more of a help to her.

    You know all of this already. But here is a friendly push, a nod of understanding, and a safe hug.

    <3

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  16. *Hugs to you* She'll come around as she gets older. It is so hard to be young and even harder to watch her struggle through those issues, but it will get better for both of you. Sometimes I'm amazed any of us survived being old enough to think we know it all but young enough to be totally clueless. Until then, be kind to yourself and know you've got lots of people sending you the best. - Jess

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